[no spell check done yet, so bear with me ;-)]
I know that I will be scared, but it will also give me so much lust. And it has to be done, I have held back for too long, there is always the fear. I'm almost 30 and before I cross over, I want to be well over the point where I can still stop gaining. I have resisted this for way too long, it is time that this gets me. That I am moved to my real destiny.
I can remember how 500 pounds felt like, how it made me slow and how it turned me on that I had a hard time walking and how I jiggled. I felt partly disgusted, partly hot then, now at 250 pounds, I know I need to let go, let my feeder control my weight gain. Last time, getting up to 500 was slow and steady. I tried to loose weight, but the little I lost I gained back every time. It was kinda hot getting larger and being unable to stop it. And now I have a feeder that will take care of me. He knows everything about how I need to gain and he has even experience: When he saw my picture, he commented on my belly and breasts, said that he knows that I have been larger than this before, much larger. The hanging fat, the way the skin looks deflated, like a large rubber balloon, deflated, he asked me how fat I was before. And he found it hot, but said that he wants me fatter, a lot fatter. And that there is a hot thing that happens when women gain: the fat cells multiply, after the existing ones are full. And dieting just empties them, but the fat cells don't vanish anymore and they want to fill up again, that I have now a belly that wants to get me back up to my old weight, fat cells with the capacity of almost my weight again in pure fat, waiting to suck up the fat and make me grow up to 500 pounds again. And I know he won't stop there. And I feel a little scared, I like him, a lot, feel comfortable with him, feeling that it will be OK to be made immobile by him.
We have chatted quite a few times and everytime it makes me so wet and I get so hungry. I love the way he just says what he wants, direct and simple: that the reason he wants to make me immobile is to make sure I cannot get up anymore, that I cannot get away, that I am totally helpless then and he can use force feeding and the feeding tube anytime he wants.
And he says that he know I will resist, and that he will love the challenge and soften up my willpower and my resistance step by step, by fattening me up, impregnating me with fat, that then makes me lazier, soft and prone to even faster gaining, turning me in to a fat sagging porker. He says that he loves the way a woman can gain and have her life reduced to gaining, eating, fucking and sleeping and more gaining and now knowing anymore what is happening to her, just to open her mouth wide, as she feels the fat pump her apart more and more every day, dazed and horny, like in trance.
I'm a little scared and ashamed now, of what he knows of me, of the perverse ways I need to be fed. But I feel in my gut that it is him, now or never. In the chat I have exposed myself fully, I guess I was very horny, the pig totally in control. It was like talking about another person, telling him: if you want to make sure she gains fast, remember these points:
1. Stretch her stomach with overfeeding, she gets off the fear of bursting that she gets when she is extremely full.
2 Make sure she first gains 100 pounds in one big push, as fast as her belly will go. She has held back for years, now she needs to be forced to gain.
3. Fast weight gain is key, this will prime her fat cells for much larger weight gain. Introduce her to the feeding tube as fast as possible and make sure she is tied down at every use and even on the very first time.
4. Unleash the pig in her. [AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
5. When she is scared or refuses to eat, see what the pig inside her is saying. If she is wet, her body is betraying her and actually means : Feed me more please! Top me off with some high percentage fattener!
And now I am sitting here, shivering of excitement. There is this bond between us, he said that correctly, it is like he owns me on a level, like I belong to him. It might be, because he will make sure I grow, he is extreme enough to do all the things that need to be done to me. When I sent him the pictures on my belly, my breasts, how everything is hanging down in the most grotesque way, from the front, the side and the back, I felt like an object, like I was being inspected. And it felt so wonderful, so direct and true. And I was afraid that he might not like my body. But the comment he sent back was hot: "you look like you are deflated. Lets hook you up to a compressor ASAP and pump you up again."
It made me wet that he thinks of me in these terms.
I know my clock is ticking, I feel it in my belly. I feel that I have to grow, urgently, it is like a fever, an urge, a deep need. I also feel it is important that this is happening, that this is not just my choice, but also what MUST HAPPEN to me.
We are going ot meet soon and he will "take possession" of me then, I will sign the agreement that I will read before with my pussy by sitting on the paper. I did not know this even exists, but a wet pussy will activate this paper and leave an inprint. And the more I get horny and aroused while reading the agreement, the wetter I get, the more I will agree with it, as the paper shows how wet the signer is.
He will measure me, weigh me and plan that 1 month cruise on that luxury liner. it will be arranged that I have a scooter that I can get around, so I can get used to it. Not being able to move much would also make me gain. And he has told me such hot ideas like using an injection to temporarily paralyze me from the waist down. Dear diary, I know this is perverse and sick. But it feels so natural and wonderful to me, I feel deep inside me belly that I have to grow now and get extremely fat, that it is urgent and more important than anything else. And I am still afraid of it, of letting fully go and stuff like this will help me, will make me gain, which is so important. My feeder told me something very hot that I absolutely need:
That fast weight gain and gaining at least 100 pounds in one go will change my belly inside out and show me how it is to gain so much weight in little time. And he says that it will open me up, prepares me for what is to come for me, primes my fat cells. And he says that after that weight gain, it wil be impossible for me to ever lose weight again and I will not even be able to keep my weight. Like a big rock unlodged and now moving, I would keep gaining, slower, but unavoidable. And that I would have become fat addicted and prone to gaining rapidly and his letting off from feeding would just serve to remind me and long for it more. He says that I will beg him to force feed me, right then, to start that hot and incredible process of fattening me more and even harder and faster. And jiggle and wobble and ask him, during sex and extasy to keep feeding me and to make absolutely sure, to not stop before I cannot get up anymore. And then keep going for another 40 pounds, to make sure I am securely immobile and cannot get up anymore for sure.
Isn't this all crazy? But it makes me so wet, I feel how my panties are getting soaked. He tells me that all this is natural, that maybe my mother or some of my ancestors have eaten too much pig and for some reason or another the gene that these animals carry, the centuries of breeding for just the purpose of gaining weight and fattening and not stop anymore, to get sexually aroused at the bliss of being plugged into your pure life purpose and made to receive and gain and fatten from it, this gene must have rubbed off on them and now on me. He says that he has looked for me also a long time, that normal feedees are not what he longs for. That he will love to wash me, to take care of me and push me to gain more at the same time, that he owns me totally.
And on the cruise ship they would bring the food to the cabine and the personell would know that I cannot walk and that I have a special condition, after an operation, that makes me gain really fast and nothing can be done about it, that I will probably gain around 200 pounds on the trip and that they should be discrete about it.
And that I would have to eat a lot and specially formulated fat food, because otherwise if my guts and stomach are not properly filled or not with enough fat as the digestion is getting used to it, an extremely rare type of condition could develop, where a combination of missing pressure and distended and overenlarged colon, that forms a gradually growing pumping mechanism, that sucks air from outside the anus , activating a reverse peristaltic phenomenon that pumps up the stomach to quite dangerous proportions and if unattended can cause the womans stomach to explode from it.
And so everything would be set for my expansion, I just have to go see him and I know I have already commited to him. He understands me, he gets me. I am scared that another man, another feeder might think I am weird or sick.
That I will need to have my belly pumped up anally plus orally, from both sides.That I will grunt like a pig, the first time I am being tube fed and feel the pressure rise inside my stomach. Or that it will make me horny and wet trying to climb starts and realizing that my legs would not carry my bulk anymore. Or resist force feeding with the spoon and seeing how feable my resistance has become, that my feeder just overrules me, ties me up and plugs me in with the feeding tube and pump me up fast. The speed with which he fattens me up, how fast my body gets forced larger with fat and how it is destroying the firmness of my tissue everywhere, causing massive hanging of skin and fat. I know that will not get firm anymore and neither should it I should be calling out to any feeder that I need to get fattened, MUST be fattened, to attract the extreme kind that really does not stop and keeps going, even when I am immobile. And I'm impatient, like he is, that I grow fast, that I get there as soon as possible.
That he gives me anti depressant medications or other prescription drugs that are known to cause strong weight gain as a side effect, that he mixes this in my food, without me knowing it, drops them into the funnel or grind them up and pumps them into my stomach with high pressure, experimenting with the effect, raising the dose step by step and watching what effect it has on my belly. And to give these drugs to a saggy fat sow like me that is already gaining fast is the height of perversion. But so wonderful and hot, I just get wet at writing this, dear diary!
I know I have to be wasted with fat, I long for it, I have to. I have no choice. I have to let him help me. And I know he gets exactly the same excitement out of it as I do. We are the same like this, I need a feeder that sticks with me, knows that after around 600 or 700 pounds and becoming immobile, he owns me fully, that I'm helpless. That he will push the pig in me with force feeding, more and more pressure, enlarging my stomach to gigantic dimensions, making it hard for me to breathe.
And that he has a target weight for me that is beyond 1500 pounds, that he activates that lazy large industrial fattening pump in my belly that I was born with and that has brought me up to 500 pounds already once, but has never fully run, freely. And I am sure that when I am bed bound, my belly hanging down spreading my legs wide and me holding the tube inside my mouth, that I will feel it running.
I know that he likes all that, that we are made for each other in this. I was just recently at one of the BBW bashes and it was different this time: I payed very much attention to my sisters that were in scooters, or wheelchairs, too fat to still walk. I befriended a few, asked them how it is, the special needs they got, how they got that large. And a few told me that they just have a hard time stopping to eat. that they seem to be conditioned to love really fatty food, that it gives them a hot fuzzy feeling to overeat. I got wet at that, I can so relate to that, I can't wait to grow that fat. And it was so hot watching their bellies, their bulk, their shapeless fat bodies. The grotesqueness and still so wonderful. I wanted to touch their bellies with mine, wishing that whatever they got, the proneness to fat, the inability to keep their weight stable, that it would be contageous and infect me too and make me helpless in gaining.
And in time I will reveal myself to them, that I am their sister in like minded destiny. That I soon will get too fat for many things in life and that I am letting a feeder take me away to that new life. In that new life, in where everything has to be subservient to my gaining. That when we want to do some activities, like taking a trip or watching a movie, he tells me "I'm sorry, my fat gaining sow! Your gaining curve is stable right now, you know as well as me that it needs to be growing steeper, that you have to gain faster and faster, that it is a MUST for you!"
I feel the clock ticking away, my new life is coming. I better call him now and arrange a meeting. I can't wait to be measured and him claiming me as his own.